Before I met him I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason. It’s like New York Time square when I’m with him, or summertime LA Venice Beach in Mid-June. I know I never let him go because in the back of my mind I still believe someday we’ll get our second chance. It’s never fair to others because I’d put them beside him and see how they compare; seeking for shadows of him in every person I meet. It’s like part of the lyrics in “Better than you” by AM Kidd that “I’m being on my own but never single and alone, I am so convinced I would never love again, a hopeless romantic at a dead end.” What’s there to reminisce? He’s not perfect, you might even say I deserve better when meeting him; This may sound beautiful, but I might not even know if he’s worth it or not. To me, he is confident, honest, understanding and beneath his flaws there lives a really really good-hearted boy. “You know how the time flies, only yesterday was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days.” After having him and seeing him a billion times I could still feel the fast heartbeat, butterflies or what you called chemistry. I was told that there are no such thing as perfect soul mates, but if you’re lucky you might just meet the right one in the right time and you guys just ‘click’, and the connection will feel like that you guys could finish each other’s sentences, read minds without communicating, or accompolish anything together – everything was just puzzle pieces that fit perfectly. It feels like I can never look away and if you ask me I will always tell you that I’ve found the one. I want to be his best friend and the person who understands him the most. And then.. I created this unrealistic world that I choose to live in, having faith that we would eventually work this out, or hopes that if we’re meant to be we will find our way back. “Maybe deep down he knows we’re not supposed to end like this too?” Today, it just suddenly came to this realization that I’d rather lose him than lose myself trying to keep him. I know I’ve made so much wrong decisions - mistakes that changed me forever. Had my hopes lifted and then broken. Heard rumors of his words and noticed the other side about him. It seems like I’m cursed in this fucking cycle to have me running back to him, to have me always rely on our memories and never being able to “quit” him. I can’t move forward and I can’t move back, stuck in agony filled with happy flashbacks. I think a part of me will always be waiting for him, but it’s time to go on with what I gotta do. Two parallel lines will never cross each other but will always move forward together, but then two lines that crossed will eventually head to the different direction isn’t it. Woken up by reality and came to a conclusion that it’s the best to let him go with who he truly belongs with, despite what is there for me to accept. “We lose the people we love because they are meant to love someone else. We lose them because we are destined to find somebody else. It is a simple fact that is sometimes hard to accept because we are too stubborn to let go of something that doesnt belong to us, even if it seems like it.” He could be someone that influenced me the most in life and I could be his stranger with history. I used to love him, I still do cause love never dies but it can kill you. In the end, I still wonder how I am gonna tell my heart that it’s time to walk away. And to him – a good-bye that us both have been waiting for. I’m learning to.